Jailed and Bailed
19th June 2017Old Bailey and Tower of London
After the heat of the Trooping of the Colour, it was difficult to believe it could get any hotter in the City. The BBC weather lady was warning of 33c, possibly warmer. My fruit-based smart phone threatened 34c. I strolled towards Stationers’ Hall, as the temperature rose, to collect my rather heavy Masters’ gown. In fact, the basement storage room at Stationers’ Hall was one of the cooler places in the City. Dressed in gowns, we assembled at the Old Bailey to be arrested and subsequently led into one of the smaller airtight Court rooms. Dressed in our gowns and finery, the charges were read out by a fearsome Sheriff Alderman Peter Estlin (in full judicial robes and wig). While the charges were read out, we wilted in the heat and shame of it all. My charges were based on my Icelandic ancestry and the rather unsavoury antics of my forebears; the Rule of Law had been abandoned. As one of the great jurists of the 20th century (Tony Hancock) implored: “Magna Carta, did she die in vain?” After mugshots were taken, we were marched on to an ancient Routemaster, destined for the Tower of London. At the Tower, we were led through crowds of tourists who snapped their Canons and Nikons in our general direction. As the sun beat down on us and the robes weighed heavy on our shoulders, we arrived in the Regimental Headquarters of the Royal Regiment of Fusiliers. At this point, our plight improved. Pol Roger was served in silver goblets followed by a tasty chicken lunch. Then the judicial process took a distinctly US turn. Our crimes could be plea bargained by a bail bond paid to the British Red Cross. Our gaolers sought a minimum bail of £1,000. Through the generosity of my Livery brethren, I managed £2,000 plus Gift Aid. After finger printing and more mugshots, I was released into the early afternoon sun. Dashing towards the West Gate of the Tower, I photobombed several Japanese selfies and occupied many megabites of SD cards. During a week when the British Red Cross was helping the victims of the London Bridge atrocity and taking control of the Grenfell Tower tragedy, it was a privilege to do something for such a worthwhile charity.